February continued the steady start of the chart year, with a batch of new songs gradually working their way in whilst 2023’s leftovers stubbornly hold firm. Most of these songs are either big debuts that fell off, or songs that seem like they might pan out as minor hits, but we did get a big new number one as well.
Just a quick reminder on the eligibility rules before I start: any song that debuted in the top 40 but already fell out of the top 100 before the end of the month gets skipped, so we don’t need to care about Facts or Big Foot, thank God. Oh and it’s also impossible for me to review a song that I haven’t heard, and I don’t tend to listen to music made by self-proclaimed Nazis, in case you’re wondering why a certain other song is missing.
“Think U the Shit (Fart)” by Ice Spice
Peak #37, Current #65
I’m not sure a popular artist has ever ran out of ideas as quickly after breaking onto the scene as Ice Spice. Like she literally just has one thing and she’s sticking to it. This is another display of dead rapping over a twinkly instrumental. It’s boring.
Apparently this is a diss track to Latto, in which case these two must be the least interesting pair of people to ever have beef with each other, who the hell cares. And if it’s supposed to be a diss track, why would you make the core lyric “Think you the shit? Bitch, you’re not even the fart”. What a goofy cringe line to base a song around, I don’t think Latto will be too intimidated somehow.
If it’s supposed to be a troll joke song then it also fails, because apart from the title line it’s no different to any other Ice Spice song. If this is a musical shitpost then what does that say about the rest of your catalogue, because this really isn’t that different. I’ve heard enough from her, it’s over.
4/10
“Made For Me” by Muni Long
Peak #23, Current #23
You may remember Muni Long from her 2022 single Hrs & Hrs, which was a breakthrough hit for her and even beat Beyoncé to the Grammy for Best R&B Performance. As I remember, that song was more of a radio thing so I was surprised to see her getting a second success with a viral streaming hit, but that’s what this is. In this case the TikTok trend relates to the start of the chorus, “Twin, where have you been, nobody knows me like you do…”. It seems to be mostly lip-synced to by girls with their best friends, it’s cute.
The rest of the lyrics make it clear that it’s actually about a romantic partner, but things are kept quite sweet and classy. I dig the production as well which has a nice percussion sound, pretty pianos, and a cool twinkling sound that adds a bit of opulence. Muni gives a good performance as well which is passionate but not over-bearing. I’ve said a hundred times that female R&B isn’t my favourite thing, but this gets about as close to working for me as anything does. I mean it’s not quite Alicia Keys, but it’s a good ballad.
7/10
“Spin You Around (1/24)” by Morgan Wallen
Peak #24, Current #71
There’s a fair bit of backstory that explains this release, if you’re interested then it’s worth reading Morgan’s Instagram post about it. To summarize, back in 2015 Morgan recorded a load of material, some of which made it onto an EP he released. In Morgan’s own words, most of the rejected material was terrible, but his management from the time now wants to release an anniversary edition containing the unreleased stuff in order to milk money out of him since he’s popular now. Understandably Morgan isn’t too happy about this because he thinks that old stuff was crap and doesn’t want everybody to hear it and think it’s a new release by him, so he’s counteracted them by putting out a statement and re-recording this track from the original EP. Fair play to him, you can’t really argue with the principle of why he’s doing this.
I’ve heard the 2015 version of this song and it’s not great. There’s a real sludge of bro-country guitars that pretty much kill it. This re-recording is a simple acoustic version, and it sounds quite sweet. Beyond that there isn’t much to say about it, it’s just Morgan going through the motions of a love song and whilst it’s decent, it’s not one of his more memorable ballads. Still, I’ve got to respect the reason this exists. Should’ve called it “Morgan’s Version” though.
6/10
“Selfish” by Justin Timberlake
Peak #19, Current #34
It’s funny to me how Justin Timberlake’s “prince of pop” phase wasn’t long before I started paying attention to music (circa 2008) and yet to me he’s always been a middle aged man that only millennials care about. It’s really remarkable how fast he became uncool. Anyway he’s got a new single here that radio will try hard to push for a couple of months before they realise that nobody is actually streaming this.
It’s basically a bad, 2020s Justin Bieber song. The lifeless groove, the vacant performance, as well as the awkwardly written and mildly unlikeable lyrics. It’s one of these songs by a male artist where his woman is so hot that it makes him insecure and possessive about her, and Justin does not make it sound good at all. “If I get jealous I can’t help it”, “It’s bad for my mental…. when you’re out looking like you do”, “I don’t want any other guys taking my place, I got too much pride”. It’s all very ew, please back away from her. Not to mention the straight up bad repeated lyric that is “Glad your mumma made you”. Girl you’re so hot, I’m glad your mum had sex! Like I say it’s very Bieberish mixed with Jealous by Nick Jonas and I’m not here for it.
Musically it’s just junk as well. Justin’s performance gives absolutely nothing, I don’t even recognize it as sounding like him. He’s only ever been as interesting as the production that he’s given, and this swampy Louis Bell beat is not doing anything. Give it up old man.
3/10
“HISS” by Megan Thee Stallion
Peak #1, Current #68
Well this was a thing. I’m not going to go too deep into analysing the content of this, partly because it’s mostly not of that much interest to me, and partly because this has fallen off so hard that it’s not likely to meet my definition of a hit anyway, it’s more like a viral story that everybody was engaged in for a week.
The key points are that Megan takes shots at Nicki Minaj, Tory Lanez, and seemingly Drake. Good for her! They’re all awful (lumping Drake in with the other two is probably a bit harsh but he is quite a gross man), and Megan’s callouts are well deserved. Of course the line “These hoes don’t be mad at Megan, these hoes mad at Megan’s Law” has attracted the most attention, a much needed destruction of Nicki and her sex offending husband and brother, with Megan sending her into another of her psychotic meltdowns with a single, truthful bar; you love to see it!
However, aside from the middle section of the track, Megan devotes the rest of the time to criticizing her ex, publications using her for clicks, various men she’s slept with, and various women who are apparently not as good as her, and this is the sort of material she’s done to death at this point. I would’ve preferred this if it was a more detailed and focused diss track, but she trails off into her usual stuff which is a bit meh for me. It doesn’t have any sort of hook either, which leaves this as more of a one-time listen for shock factor from certain lines than it is a replayable song.
Nonetheless, the beat goes, this is some of Megan’s best rapping from a technical perspective, and ultimately it made the right people cry, so it did its job.
6/10
“Bandit” by Don Toliver
Peak #38, Current #70
This is Don Toliver’s first solo top 40 hit, which is funny because I haven’t thought about him for three years. Here he’s embracing a bit of ragey sound that’s popular lately, and it’s certainly a loud and layered song. I’m sorry to sound like such an old man, but this is just noise to me. There’s not really any melody or decipherable lyrics, just a succession of funny sounds. I guess it’s “hype” if you hear it live and you’re off your head, but why anybody would listen to this outside of that context is beyond me. At least go for something with a hook, or vocals that aren’t so fried. Surprisingly not that grating for a single listen, but would definitely do my head in after a while.
5/10
“The Painter” by Cody Johnson
Peak #28, Current #28
Cody Johnson impressed me with both hits from his previous album, and he continues that streak with this, the lead single from his newest record. It’s a straight-forward love song but Cody brings his mellowed, wise tone that sells it beautifully. It helps that the production leans more organic with the soft tones and fiddle, and the imagery of this woman painting colour into a black and white world is very striking as well. I would happily listen to this.
7.5/10
“Forever” by Noah Kahan
Peak #28, Current #73
Noah Kahan has released the third and final version of his Stick Season album, with this now thirty song epic containing everything on the previous two versions, plus all these remixes he’s been doing, plus this one original track.
It’s not particularly interesting. The first half is extremely slow, and that leads into a second half that feels like it’s going to really build up but just sort of doesn’t and plods along at a regular pace, repeating the lyrics we already heard. Compared to his three previous top 40 hits, the story is really unremarkable as well, there’s just not much to remember this by. I’m still pretty on the fence about Noah Kahan for now, but I feel like for his material to work for me he needs to sing with intensity and bring the top melody game that I know he has, and this song does neither. Just sounds like a forgettable album track really.
5/10
“TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé
Peak #1, Current #1
And now for the big event of the month. Beyoncé’s pivot to country music, which is shaping up to be her biggest hit in years. Conversely, there’s not much to say about it, it’s a fun hoedown song. As someone who’s always liked Beyoncé more when she hasn’t tried so hard and just focused on making an enjoyable song, this feels like a nice foot for her to lead on.
She sounds nice and relaxed here, it’s good. Each part of the song has a distinct melody and everything ties together well. The bit where she goes down for “it’s a real life boogie and a real life hoedown” after the two “oooh”s is particularly satisfying, the words flow so well there. My only complaint would be that the production is a bit overly synthetic. I mean come on, you’re Beyoncé, this would’ve been just as big of a hit if it were produced by someone with a more delicate touch. We didn’t need the big whoosh that introduces the chorus or the rather irritating whistle, which is an unnecessary gimmick on a song that already had enough hooks.
Still, I know I’m weird for being more of a fan of Beyoncé’s pop singles than I am the rest of her material, but this works for me. Coming soon to a summer wedding near you.
7/10
“Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley
Peak #39, Current #39
I’ve got to say this: I’ve never been a fan of Bob Marley’s music. It’s not something I was raised on, and his style of vibey music where the beat never changes and the melodies aren’t very prominent is the sort of thing you probably all know by now that I don’t care for. I can respect that it was a big deal for a particular scene at a particular time, but it’s not something I would ever listen to, in fact I can’t even tell his biggest hits apart from one another.
Anyhow, despite dying aged 36 he fathered at least eleven children in that time, one of whom married Lauryn Hill of all people, and YG Marley is one of their six children. This is actually not the only Bob Marley descendant to chart on the Hot 100 recently because some of you may remember Skip Marley featuring on Katy Perry’s Chained to the Rhythm. Skip is another of Bob’s grandchildren, via a different one of Bob’s kids. Furthermore three of Bob’s children have also charted songs, so it’s quite the music dynasty which I shockingly didn’t know about. February also saw the release of a Bob Marley biopic, which I don’t think this song is associated with but no doubt gave it a boost.
Yeah I don’t really have much of an opinion on this song. If I had any attatchment to Bob’s music or reggae in general then maybe I could comment on how well this honours that, but since I don’t, it’s just another reggae song to me. YG certainly doesn’t impress much as a vocalist though, I’ll say that much. Eh, an odd novelty to have on the charts but not one I’m going to give another moment’s thought to honestly.
5/10
“Whatever She Wants” by Bryson Tiller
Peak #32, Current #32
Between discovering popular music and the UK charts in the late 2000s, and getting back into music in a big way in 2017, I spent about three years in the musical wilderness. During this time I wasn’t actively paying attention to music and it’s interesting to see what artists did or didn’t filter through to me. So when I was going back through old year-end Hot 100s a few years ago and came across Bryson Tiller’s success, it was a big surprise for me because I’d never heard of the bloke. It wasn’t really a fleeting thing either, his album Trap Soul is something of a 2010s classic for a certain demographic, it’s still charting in the top half of the Billboard 200. Personally I think both Don’t and Exchange off that album are boring sludges, but hey ho it’s been eight years and this is pretty much the first solo success he’s had since so maybe it’s better.
I definitely prefer this production to his old stuff. The looped sample is nice and I like the twinkling effect and minimal percussion which achieves a nice, airy sound. This gives the space for Bryson to deliver one of his more forceful rapping performances, which isn’t bad. Beyond that though, the content isn’t interesting, he basically uses one melody for the entire song, and I don’t really like him as a vocalist, which is pretty much make or break for an R&B singer. Probably still a bit better than I expected, it’s not a bad sounding song for sure, just not that good either.
5.5/10
“Training Season” by Dua Lipa
Peak #27, Current #27
I’m a little surprised that we still don’t have an album title or release schedule for DL3, but in the mean time we do have a second single. Houdini presented a slight sonic change that has potential but wasn’t fully realised in a slightly underwhelming song and with this……. well to be honest I feel the same way.
I like the jittery groove that swells up for the pre and post-chorus, but otherwise holds back. It allows Dua to power over it, and I think she sounds really good here, and the sharper production touches such as the soaring synths and clear pianos in the bridge courtesy of Tame Impala again add a lot. For a Dua song, I think the writing is slightly above average as well. The idea of needing a partner who doesn’t have to be told how to love her and just gets it, this sort of exasperation is a good fit for her, and the training season metaphor phrases it well.
I just have one problem, but it is quite a big one. For a pop song it’s not very poppy. Like where’s the hook? It sounds like a mix of various of her other songs with no element really standing out. The jumpy tension is never satisfyingly resolved, even with that big build-up in the bridge, it just falls back down. It reminds me of Break My Heart, except that song knew how to insert breaks that made it catchy, this just sort of keeps going. Eh, I don’t know what to say lads. You can’t fault the production values or the performance or the mixing or any of that, but like with Houdini I think it’s missing something.
6.5/10
February average: 5.6/10
Worth listening to: “The Painter”
🙂
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